By Nicci French
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I remembered the way he had looked at me then, a gaze that made me want to cover my nakedness. I couldn’t see my old T-shirt and flannel shorts, the ones I wear at night if it’s cool. I pulled open each of the chest’s drawers. A few of Liza’s clothes were there, the ones she hadn’t wanted to take with her, and some of his, but none of mine, and no satchel either. I sat on the bed and closed my eyes for a few seconds, and in the darkness I thought I could feel him there beside me. Would I always live with this or would it fade and dwindle?
Teddy Thompson. ’ ‘So far, there’s you on violin, a man called Neal Fenton who was in the original band for a bit – he’s the bass guitarist – and Sonia Hurst is the singer. ’ ‘Weird,’ said Joakim. ’ ‘You’ve left school now. ’ ‘What’ll you play? ’ ‘Probably I’ll just fill in the gaps. ’ Until June, when he had taken his music A level, Joakim had been my student. I had first met him when he was fifteen, small for his age with cropped hair and the aggressive posture of someone who wants to be older, taller and cooler.
No. ’ ‘I couldn’t do it on my own,’ I said. ’ ‘This is crazy. Look at him. He’s big. ’ She gave a small, high laugh that stopped as abruptly as it had started, though the harsh sound seemed to hang in the room. ’ ‘It’s mad – and it would be horrible. I feel sick even thinking about it. Have you allowed yourself to imagine what it would be like? He’s dead. ’ ‘Oh, no! ’ ‘What? Don’t talk about it? If you can’t even bear to talk about it, how will you actually do it? That’s what happens, isn’t it?